Hellraiser

Hellraiser: Pinhead #2 18-Inch Action Figure (W/Sound)

PINHEAD!  I was excited, had to share this.  He even has the box with him!

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Red Rain in Sri Lanka 2012

I just saw this episode of The Unexplained Files on Destination America which is very interesting.  In 2012 in Sri Lanka there was a downpour of red blood colored rain.  It rained for months and nobody knew what was wrong with the water or if it was safe.  Scientists tested the rain and saw that there were red cells in the rain.  They found that the cells contained no DNA, yet they replicated.  This was some sort of living organism, but didn’t behave like any life we know.

A well known Astrobiologist looked into the matter, knowing that something had been seen falling from the sky not long before the red rain.   He found a man that had collected bits of meteorite that had fallen from the sky.  He used an electron microscope and found similar cells contained inside the meteorite as those that were found in the red rain.  He believes that the rain contained some sort of extraterrestrial life.  He also found that it contained Uranium and could be very hazardous to all life on this planet.  Interesting stuff!

 

Evil Dead 3: Army of Darkness (1992)

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The Evil Dead 3: Army of Darkness begins with our hero Ash working in a super mart, something like Walmart.  In the true Evil Dead tradition, Linda is played by Bridgette Fonda when he flashes back to the two of them going to the cabin, and it never shows anyone at the cabin other than Ash.

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We don’t even get to see Evil Bridgette Fonda, however, it was more to tell about how Ash got sucked through a worm hole and ended up…

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well, in a bad situation.  At the end of Dead by Dawn we saw Ash kill some flying evil dead thing and the people around him fell to their knees and bowed down to him.  However, this is the Evil Dead so none of that matters.  In this movie, Ash landed in the middle of a war.  The winning clan took Ash hostage, thinking he was one of Henry the Red’s men.

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They threw one of Henry’s men into a pit and this happened…

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Ash started to freak out, so they sent him next.  When he got to the bottom, one of the evil dead awaited him.  Someone threw down his chainsaw and he killed it, but then another appeared.

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Then some spikes started closing in on them, it was like that one scene from Star Wars: A New Hope.   Ash looped his belt around the rope that was turning the wheel to bring the spiked thingies together and got back out of the pit.  The demon followed and he killed it.  Then he confronted the crowd, “Who wants some?”

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When nobody would mess with him, he made them let Henry the Red go…

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Henry was delighted.  There was a wizard that called Ash the “promised one.”  He knew Ash wasn’t from their time and thought he would help with the evil dead.  Naturally the only way to send Ash back to his time was for him to get the Necronomicon, which was in a graveyard.  Since he is missing his hand, he constructs a new one.  Naturally a sales clerk knows how to make a robotic hand in 1300 CE, but it’s part of the comedy of these movies.

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Of course all the other movies the only thing Ash cared about was Linda, but this is the third movie and she’s only alive for a few seconds.  So naturally he hooks up with Sheila, the girl who thought he killed her brother at first.  First she slapped and and spit on him, then she wanted to kiss him.  Ash is then shown the way to the graveyard and instructed by the old wizard to recite three words before picking up the book.  After reciting the words back twice, Ash insists “I know the damn words already.”  While riding through the woods on a horse, the “evil force” chases him and knocks him off his horse (well really it was a branch that knocked him off the horse).  He hides inside a windmill.  He hides there until night, and while bent over the fire, he sees himself in a mirror.  Thinking it might be a portal (in the last movie he reached into a mirror and it was water) Ash tried to jump through it.  He broke it , and out of the pieces jumped about 8 miniature Ashes.

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They tormented him for awhile and then knocked him out.  When he woke up he was tied down.  They plugged his nose and one of them jumped down his throat.  When he ran out of the windmill, another Ash (Evil Ash) started sprouting on his left side…

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Finally they split apart, the regular Ash shot Evil Ash in the face and chopped him up with the chainsaw.  He buried him in the graveyard and then went to find the Necronomicon.  There were three books, but only one was real.  The first did this…

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The second bit his hand and then attacked, biting continuously.  The third was the real thing, but he had to say the words.  Naturally, he forgot the last word.  So he said the first two and then coughed something similar.   This of course wasn’t good enough, even though he argued that it counts.  The army of dead rose from the ground, including Evil Ash who magically came back together as a whole Evil Ash.

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Evil Ash then gathered as many of the dead as he could for his army.  He was going after the Necronomicon.  First, since he did sprout from Ash, he needed a girlfriend.  As we all know, no Ash can be without a girlfriend.  So he had Sheila kidnapped…

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Ash was planning on just going home and not helping these people with the army that he had just awoken, until the woman was kidnapped.  Then he decided to stay and fight.  He suggested getting Henry the Red to help.  They went about preparing for battle.  Naturally in the back of Ash’s car he had useful things like a chemistry book and a book about building steam engines, what store clerk doesn’t right?  So he makes small bombs and gunpowder, and of course a steam powered battle machine.  Then the army of the dead arrives…

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They even have their own band.  It’s a great battle, lots of fire, swords, arrows, catapults.  Finally the army breaks through and then Henry the Red shows up with his army to help out.  Ash ends up fighting…

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Evil Sheila.  He throws her off the castle and goes after Evil Ash.  The battle is so hilarious, as is the entire movie.  Ash finally kills off Evil Ash 😦  Then they transport him back to his own time…Groovy.  However, as he’s telling a co-worker, he was supposed to say the same words when he got back here.  He forgot them again, so one of the customers is turned into evil dead again…and he kills her.

abgtash5 Ash…housewares.

This movie is so funny.  All the Evil Dead movies (not the remake) are hilarious, but I think this might be the funniest.  I’ve seen they are talking about making a sequel to Army of Darkness, I so hope they do!  If they do, it will probably have very little to do with the previous movies, as this is an Evil Dead tradition.   So Ash is just a store clerk, so I’ve come up with a few scenarios as to why the movies mostly ignore the previous movies.  One: All three movies are just his daydreams which is why they all change and why Linda always looks different.  Two:  The first movie really happened, and afterward Ash made up different versions of it to deal with what happened.  Three:  The second movie was an alternate universe, so the first movie didn’t happen in that Ash’s universe.  Then the third movie was back to the first Ash and when he screamed at the end of the first movie, he was just sucked through the wormhole.  Four:  Ash died at the end of the first movie, and he doesn’t know it.  This is his life after death, which keeps changing.  he always has to fight the evil dead.  I may have put more thought into these movies than the writers did.